It can be easy to overlook the signs when a loved one starts to develop a drinking problem. What may begin as casual or occasional drinking can gradually segue into a harmful pattern of alcohol dependence, impacting their health and, subsequently, your relationship with them. If you’re wondering how to support an alcoholic partner, here are some ways you can help.
And it can prove elusive to know exactly what to do without feeling like you’re crossing a boundary, how to support an alcoholic without enabling or merely sitting by idly, unsure of how to help.
Knowing that alcohol addiction is not a sign of weakness or a lack of willpower but a complex medical condition that requires understanding and compassion is one of the first steps you can take in recognizing the signs of alcohol addiction in a significant other or spouse. The truth is that there are ways to help — and tangible steps you can take — to support an alcoholic partner and encourage your loved one toward recovery.
What Is Alcohol Addiction?
Alcohol addiction is also called alcohol use disorder (AUD). Because it’s a chronic disease, people who suffer from alcoholism cannot stop drinking even despite the health or interpersonal consequences it creates.
With alcohol use disorder, drinking becomes a central focal point of one’s life, oftentimes the most important priority at the expense of everything and everyone else — to the detriment of their personal relationships, their career, and their health.
It’s important to note that alcoholism is classified as a brain disorder; that’s because, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), chronic alcohol misuse, which can range from mild to moderate and severe, creates lasting changes in the brain that can make it hard to quit and leave one vulnerable to relapsing.
Alcohol Addiction Stats
Although there is great awareness of alcohol addiction in the U.S., it remains a concerning problem that affects millions of people each year. Just over 28 million American adults had alcohol use disorder in 2022, according to the 2023 National Survey on Drug Use and Health.
To put it in greater perspective, one in 10 people over the age of 12 have alcohol use disorder, notes the National Center for Drug Abuse Statistics. However, according to the NIAAA, each year, there are more than 178,000 deaths attributed to excessive alcohol use, making it the fifth most preventable death in the country.
What Are the Risks of Abusing Alcohol?
“Drinking alcohol in any amount carries a health risk,” notes the Mayo Clinic. And not just one risk; when abused in excess, alcohol can pose numerous risks, physically, mentally, and situationally, raising the likelihood of long-term health, financial, and even legal problems, also affecting their loved ones.
Physical Health Risks of Alcohol Abuse
Chronic alcohol consumption can endanger vital organs of the body over time and lead to serious health complications, including:
- Liver disease: The human liver can only process small amounts of alcohol, notes the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, so alcohol abuse can tax it and risk several potential health issues, including steatosis (fatty liver), alcoholic hepatitis, fibrosis, and cirrhosis.
- Heart damage: “Alcohol has considerable toxic effects on the digestive and cardiovascular systems,” says the World Health Organization (WHO). Taking a toll on the heart, alcohol abuse, notes the NIAAA, can lead to cardiomyopathy (stretching and drooping of heart muscle), arrhythmias (irregular heartbeats), stroke, and high blood pressure.
- Increased cancer risk: “Alcoholic beverages are classified as carcinogenic by the International Agency for Research on Cancer and increase the risk of several cancer types,” notes the WHO. These can include everything from head and neck, esophageal, liver, breast,t, and colorectal cancers, notes the NIAAA.
- Weakened immune system: Long-term alcohol abuse makes someone more susceptible to infections and illnesses. “Chronic drinkers are more liable to contract diseases like pneumonia and tuberculosis than people who do not drink too much,” the NIAAA says.
Mental Health Risks of Alcohol Abuse
Because alcohol is a depressant and can create imbalances in your brain’s neurotransmitters, your feelings, thoughts, and subsequent behavior can be impacted.
This can result in various mental health issues surfacing with alcohol use disorder; the NIAAA says, either simultaneously (at the same time) or sequentially (one after the other), such as depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, trauma– and stress-related disorders, other substance use disorders and sleep disorders. Alcohol abuse also increases the risk of brain damage.
Other Consequences of Alcohol Abuse
Alcohol impairs one’s ability to make sound, sober judgments and can lead to many short-term effects that can impact you and others around you. It’s a contributing factor in cases of shared violence — homicide, suicide, sexual violence, and intimate partner violence, notes the CDC.
Drunk driving remains a stark problem in the U.S. as alcohol-related traffic fatalities continue to increase; according to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, the number of DUI deaths increased to 13,524 in 2022, the highest in 14 years.
The financial implications of alcohol abuse are far-reaching. According to the CDC, excessive drinking costs $807 per person in the U.S. — $2.05 per drink and $249 million nationwide. What explains this? “The addiction bars them from making the right financial decisions. Major fund flows towards drinking addiction, and finally, they end up with no money and family issues,” notes a 2019 study, further stressing relationships and family dynamics.
How Can I Tell if a Loved One Has an Alcohol Addiction?
Recognizing the signs of alcohol addiction in a loved one can be difficult, especially if they are in denial or hiding their behavior, which is not uncommon in functional alcoholics. Be mindful of some indicators that may signal — even as a cry for help — that a loved one needs intervention for their drinking.
Signs and Symptoms of Alcoholism
What are some telltale signs of alcohol addiction in a partner? They might include:
- Drinking more than intended or being unable to cut back, even after attempts to quit
- Experiencing intense cravings or urges to drink
- Neglecting responsibilities at home, work, school, or socially due to drinking
- Continuing to drink despite the negative effects it may have on their relationships and health
- Developing tolerance, which leads to drinking larger amounts to achieve the same effect
- Experiencing alcoholic withdrawal symptoms such as shaking, sweating, or nausea when not drinking — and continuing to drink to avoid these symptoms
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What’s the Connection Between Alcohol and Mental Illness?
“Alcohol use disorder frequently occurs with other mental health disorders, and vice versa,” notes the NIAAA. Known as a co-occurring disorder, it’s when someone has both a mental health and substance abuse disorder together.
Indeed, the prevalence of alcohol addiction and mental illness often go hand in hand. In fact, 37 percent of people with alcohol use disorder have at least one concerning mental illness, notes the Journal of the American Medical Association.
“Research shows that people who drink alcohol are more likely to develop mental health problems,” notes the Mental Health Foundation. “It’s also true that people with severe mental illness are more likely to have alcohol problems.”
According to the foundation, one explanation is that many people drink alcohol to bury difficult feelings; for example, someone with depression may use alcohol to self-medicate, only to find that alcohol worsens their depressive symptoms over time.
Likewise, it notes the foundation that alcohol abuse is linked to anxiety, psychosis, self-harm, and suicide since “alcohol can make you lose your inhibitions and act more impulsively.” Understanding these connections is a number one priority in supporting an alcoholic partner and pursuing addiction treatment for them.
Tips for Supporting an Alcoholic Partner
To support an alcoholic in recovery, they deserve your compassion, care, love, and support. Here are some actionable steps you can take to set them on the path to getting help:
- Find professional alcohol abuse treatment: Above all else, seeking a reputable alcohol addiction treatment center and encouraging a partner to seek professional help is the most integral, effective way to set them on a healing path. In Lacey, WA, Royal Life Centers at the Haven is one example, offering health treatment options like alcohol detox, inpatient rehab, evidence-based therapy, medication to help them through withdrawal, and other tools, resources, and support they need to get sober.
- Educate yourself about alcohol addiction: Understanding the nature of alcohol use disorder is as helpful and valuable to you as a loved one battling an addiction. Remember that alcoholism is a treatable disease. Through this article, other blogs on this site, and resources like the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, and others, learn about the signs of alcohol addiction, the severity of withdrawal, and the recovery process.
- Set boundaries and avoid judgment: Alcohol use disorder can place strain on relationships and increase the risk of codependency between partners, so it’s important to set boundaries to protect your own mental and emotional health. Setting boundaries makes sure that you’re not sacrificing your well-being to accommodate dysfunctional or destructive behaviors. Supporting a partner through their recovery journey is a noble, loving, and selfless act, but shaming or blaming your partner for their addiction can push them further away. Instead, approach conversations with empathy and a focus on solutions. Likewise, avoid blaming yourself for someone else’s addiction.
The Difference Between Supporting and Enabling
What is the contrast between enabling and supporting an alcoholic partner? Sometimes, we may think we’re being helpful,l but instead, we are making their addiction worse.
Enabling an alcoholic means doing things that permit an addicted person to keep drinking versus helping them get better, unintentionally supporting their habit by shielding them from the consequences of their actions.
For example, giving them money to buy alcohol out of fear they’ll steal money to get it themselves; letting someone live rent-free or remain unemployed while you pay for all their expenses, including for alcohol; or making excuses or blaming other people for their behavior or covering up for them at work.
These behaviors only perpetuate the cycle of alcohol addiction. On the other hand, how to support an alcoholic without enabling involves encouraging accountability and seeking professional help. It’s about being a source of strength for them rather than a crutch for destructive habits.
What If They Don’t Want Help?
When a loved one refuses to acknowledge their alcohol addiction or seek treatment, it can feel frustrating and discouraging when you or other family members have tried in vain to get through to them.
A partner’s denial is often part of addiction, but don’t give up; knowing how to support an alcoholic partner in the face of their resistance requires patience and careful communication. Start by expressing your concerns in a compassionate, non-judgmental way.
For example, you might say, “I’m worried about your health because of your drinking,” instead of making accusations or issuing ultimatums. You may also try getting in touch with a professional interventionist to hold an intervention for your partner, rallying together other family members and friends to motivate them to get help for their drinking.
It’s important to remember that recovery is a personal choice. While you can encourage your partner to seek professional treatment, it’s ultimately up to them to take that step themselves. If your attempts to help are met with resistance, don’t give up hope — sometimes, planting the idea of recovery is enough to set the stage for change.
Recognizing When It’s Time to Walk Away
If a spouse or significant other is resistant to the idea of recovery, it doesn’t mean you must walk away entirely — in fact, quite the contrary. It’s just a matter of showing resolve and support in other ways while staying strong and protecting your own well-being.
If their actions are causing you harm or becoming overwhelming, it’s okay to step back temporarily. This isn’t giving up but rather creating space to care for yourself so you can continue to offer meaningful support. Seeking outside help through therapy or support groups like Al-Anon can provide tools to navigate these challenges.
Through that support, you can find the encouragement to resume your efforts to get your partner help — detox, alcohol rehab, and a full treatment plan from a facility effective at healing people and getting them clean and sober from alcohol abuse disorder. Maintain optimism and know that recovery is a process that takes time and that you can help your partner see that change is possible, even if that journey feels slow or you encounter blocks along the way.
Do you have questions about seeking health treatment for a loved one suffering from alcohol use disorder? Contact Royal Life Centers to learn more.
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- Alcohol Use and Your Health | Alcohol Use | CDC
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- Mental Health Issues: Alcohol Use Disorder and Common Co-occurring Conditions | National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)
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- Alcohol use disorder – Symptoms and causes – Mayo Clinic
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